So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Never let your siblings swipe right.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
