Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
