Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
