girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
