Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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