I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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