There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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