i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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