I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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