Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
