Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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