It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
