they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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