note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
