If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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