lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
