Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
