I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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