So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
