It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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