im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
