the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I FOUND THE LEGS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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