She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
