addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
