I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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