i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
