she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize