I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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