with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
