Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize