i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sext me about skeletons
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
