definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
