and you said cock pushups were impossible
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize