eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
