i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
