there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
