Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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