Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
