dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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