If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
