another moral hangover. fuck.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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