he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
