Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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