it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i've created a new STD.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
