I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
