before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize