sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
