how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
