No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize