I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
