i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
