she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
