Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
