I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
