Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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