I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
