Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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