i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I just sharted jello shots
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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