i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
