This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
