My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
