I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How external is "for external use only"?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
