where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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