I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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