I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
